7 Things That Totally Won’t Piss Off Your Hairstylist

7 Things That Totally Won’t Piss Off Your Hairstylist
by michaellevinehair

 1. When your hair goes into your face while we are blowing it out, say “I feel like Cousin It.”
This is totally original and we’ve never heard anyone say it before.

2. “I’ll never be able to make it look like this.”
You’re right, but if you make sure you don’t purchase the styling product or tool we are using on you, you won’t even get it in the same universe! And definitely make sure to always do the exact same styling routine you’ve been doing since highschool even though we’ve given you a totally new look.

3. “I was thinking I actually don’t need the colour.”
You booked it, not us. You also didn’t say anything when we confirmed the service 2 days before the appointment. The time was committed to you and we turned down other paying clients for that time. But honestly, it’s cool. We were hoping to earn a lot less money today and for a really extended lunch break to derail our momentum.

4. “If I pay you cash, is it better for you?”
We are not professionals and we lie about our income. Thank you for assuming we commit tax fraud and offering us cash, it really helps us to perpetrate our federal crimes easier.

5. “I have never had a good cut, and I’ve been to ____ and _____ and_____.”
If those really good local stylists you mentioned weren’t able to make you happy, we feel very confident that you are going to be happy with us and this is going to go well. And your previous disappointments surely had nothing to do with you at all.

6. “I dunno, you’re the expert.”
We’ve never met you but it’s important that you don’t give me any clues as to what you want. And definitely refuse any and all suggestions we make. We have nothing but time to talk and attempt to read your mind rather than work on your hair so make sure to not bring any pictures or have ideas as well please.

7.  Bring in your toddler or precocious 5 year old.
They want to spend 2 hours at a salon because then they get to jump on the footrest of our expensive hydraulic chairs! Fun! Also, if you do bring an iPad for them to watch a movie, make sure to not bring headphones. The rest of the salon wants to hear Frozen coming through those little speakers.